...but it's true. I get really annoyed with other ADHDers sometimes. Why? Because they do the same annoying stuff that I do when I annoy other people, but I don't like being the recipient.
Actually it's really anyone who starts interrupting, acting without thinking, drifting off, or you know, other ADHD-ish stuff. For example, I can be reactive and just start telling my non-ADHD boyfriend what to do about something like a steam roller rolling through the living room, but on the rare occasion that he returns the favor I flip my lid and give him the "don't tell me what to do!" line. I know, I'm a total a-hole, and I assure you he loves it (insert sarc here). Often this elicits a "YOU ARE THE BOSSIEST LADY ON THE PLANET!!!" from him as he points out my asshatiness...yet another of the reasons I sought treatment...blahblah, ongoing journey, blah.
I have another great friend who I adore who is also an officially diagnosed ADHDer. She's fantastic...but when she drifts off and interrupts me when I'm talking, it does annoy me. Again...I know, I get it, I do these things all the time too, and I'm not angry about it and she's still my friend. Part of the reason I flip (in my head, in silence, screaming) is because I'm expending so much energy trying to focus on the conversation that her tangent on top of my own is just a little slice of hell for my ability to focus. This is a reason I like medication...makes it easier for me to listen and easier for me to not get annoyed when other people do these things. I always like to hear what she's saying, heck, I like to hear what people are saying all the time, my problem is I like it too much and my brain starts building castles on top of whatever they said and then I'm desperately trying to halt castle construction so I can respond appropriately.
Also...I work as a paralegal at a criminal defense office. Now...I'm not saying all criminals have ADHD or that all ADHDers have the potential to be criminals. But there are indeed studies out there pointing to the fact that many people in jail and prison populations have various mental issues, including ADHD. Lots of our clients are actually super to talk to. They're funny, they have great senses of humor, and many have VERY entertaining stories. Some of them actually have very sad stories, or are just sad people because of the predicaments their behavior gets them in. Sometimes their impulsivity and interruptiness though, again, can really make my day go from placid to angry-brain. Sometimes we work really hard to make their lives easier and they just make bad decisions over and over again bacause they don't know how not to...some will interrupt me on the phone when I'm trying to help them and I just want to yell "SHUUUUT UUUUP!". A couple of times, I have had to find ways to rein them in, while remaining within the bounds of professional behavior. "I am doing my best to help you, but you are being so abusive to me right now that you are making that difficult, and you need to listen." Usually works well. Usually elicits an apology. What I'm really thinking is "SHUT THE EFF UP, I'm the one that's out and you're the one that's in jail asshat!". Then I have to have a silent, internal "There but for the grace of God" moment with myself and proceed. I gotta say, I do wonder how many of these guys, 15 years ago, were the kid bouncing off the walls in the back of the classroom, in trouble, and getting sent to the elementary school principle's office. I was the quiet girl that always got put next to them, but it backfired because it unleashed my chattiness. Then the boys would get blamed for "turning me bad" when really I was perfectly happy back there chatting with them. The bad boys were funny after all. Maybe that's why I always like bad-boys :)
Anyway...I guess that's just a funny irony of being an Adult ADHDer. Having to learn to have patience with other people who are at times, just as annoying as YOU are at times. After I'm done being annoyed in the moment, it does make me chuckle.
Actually it's really anyone who starts interrupting, acting without thinking, drifting off, or you know, other ADHD-ish stuff. For example, I can be reactive and just start telling my non-ADHD boyfriend what to do about something like a steam roller rolling through the living room, but on the rare occasion that he returns the favor I flip my lid and give him the "don't tell me what to do!" line. I know, I'm a total a-hole, and I assure you he loves it (insert sarc here). Often this elicits a "YOU ARE THE BOSSIEST LADY ON THE PLANET!!!" from him as he points out my asshatiness...yet another of the reasons I sought treatment...blahblah, ongoing journey, blah.
I have another great friend who I adore who is also an officially diagnosed ADHDer. She's fantastic...but when she drifts off and interrupts me when I'm talking, it does annoy me. Again...I know, I get it, I do these things all the time too, and I'm not angry about it and she's still my friend. Part of the reason I flip (in my head, in silence, screaming) is because I'm expending so much energy trying to focus on the conversation that her tangent on top of my own is just a little slice of hell for my ability to focus. This is a reason I like medication...makes it easier for me to listen and easier for me to not get annoyed when other people do these things. I always like to hear what she's saying, heck, I like to hear what people are saying all the time, my problem is I like it too much and my brain starts building castles on top of whatever they said and then I'm desperately trying to halt castle construction so I can respond appropriately.
Also...I work as a paralegal at a criminal defense office. Now...I'm not saying all criminals have ADHD or that all ADHDers have the potential to be criminals. But there are indeed studies out there pointing to the fact that many people in jail and prison populations have various mental issues, including ADHD. Lots of our clients are actually super to talk to. They're funny, they have great senses of humor, and many have VERY entertaining stories. Some of them actually have very sad stories, or are just sad people because of the predicaments their behavior gets them in. Sometimes their impulsivity and interruptiness though, again, can really make my day go from placid to angry-brain. Sometimes we work really hard to make their lives easier and they just make bad decisions over and over again bacause they don't know how not to...some will interrupt me on the phone when I'm trying to help them and I just want to yell "SHUUUUT UUUUP!". A couple of times, I have had to find ways to rein them in, while remaining within the bounds of professional behavior. "I am doing my best to help you, but you are being so abusive to me right now that you are making that difficult, and you need to listen." Usually works well. Usually elicits an apology. What I'm really thinking is "SHUT THE EFF UP, I'm the one that's out and you're the one that's in jail asshat!". Then I have to have a silent, internal "There but for the grace of God" moment with myself and proceed. I gotta say, I do wonder how many of these guys, 15 years ago, were the kid bouncing off the walls in the back of the classroom, in trouble, and getting sent to the elementary school principle's office. I was the quiet girl that always got put next to them, but it backfired because it unleashed my chattiness. Then the boys would get blamed for "turning me bad" when really I was perfectly happy back there chatting with them. The bad boys were funny after all. Maybe that's why I always like bad-boys :)
Anyway...I guess that's just a funny irony of being an Adult ADHDer. Having to learn to have patience with other people who are at times, just as annoying as YOU are at times. After I'm done being annoyed in the moment, it does make me chuckle.
Uncanny. You could be speaking of talking with my mother, pre and post stroke.
ReplyDeleteI completely relate.
Glad to be uncanny ;)
ReplyDeleteIf only our fellow humans weren't so...human....
I see alot of this same stuff in myself." Mr.Over Analyizer" is a nickname I have been called, most my life. Sometimes "Capt. Obvious" takes over, and can be a prob. My next nickname, may be "Useless Imformation Man". Good Post!!
ReplyDeleteHAHA, CAPTAIN OBVIOUUUUUS! Oh yeah, useless info, that's good too :) You're the guy everyone wants on their team for trivia though. And talk about overanalyzing...have I mentioned that's my specialty? One of my nicknames is "Stupidest Smart Girl In the World" because I figure everything out ten minutes later, lol...
ReplyDeleteOh I just love comparing notes with my fellow ADHDers...at least we're usually sort of endearing in our quirks :)
Amen. I only hate in others what I see in myself (or used to see, thankfully). Non-relatable asshattery is still annoying, but not nearly as infuriating as when it's something I know I do or have done to other people.
ReplyDelete