Thursday, July 29, 2010

Sometimes I LIKE hyperspeed!!!!!!!!!

There are times when hyperspeed is a bad thing. And there are times when it's a fun thing. AND there are times when it's a useful thing.

Right now, I have some scenarios in life that interact with me in such a way that I am not enjoying hyperspeed. For example, when I have already identified that I am DONE with something and yet there are mitigating circumstances, requiring my attendance for a bit longer...shockingly, this is not a situation where I shine. It's not a situation where anyone shines...but for the ADHD mind, always thinking to the NEXT, it's basically hell, and it takes quite a bit of work not to REACT to the situation by doing something cool like leaving or verbally snapping like a twig.

Oh that doesn't mean that we ADHD adults can never restrain the impulse to DO such things...just that it's a bigger struggle to say NO to the inner impulse. That I might have to go take a few walks around the block in order to channel the energy in a more positive direction. I know my limits and a few of them have been reached. It's great for the dog, he likes the walks.

I have many fish frying simultaneously at the moment though, so some fish are overcooked, some fish are just browning, some fish have sat in the cold oil too long and I'm hoping they aren't disgusting when I'm done frying them up. Hoping the frying can hide the odor.

Hoping I can free myself from this stinky metaphor.

One way I have found to cope with these scenarios that frustrate me, is to allow myself movement in some other area. I used to allow movement in too many areas, anything to GET AWAY. Now I try to allow myself the joy of hyperspeed without judgment, just on one glorious salt-flat.

It's a moderated's the only kind I can allow myself right now. It's keeping me stimulated enough to tolerate that which irks me.

Humming along. Back to the sanctioned torrent at hand...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

As if "Deficit" isn't enough...

...they tack "Disorder" on too.

I think we need to drop the "Disorder". It's redundant and it flies in the face of honoring neurodiversity. This isn't about being PC, it's about not beating dead horses. I KNOW I have a deficit, duh, that's why I went to a mental health center and said "hey y'all, I think I have ADHD".

It's just that I'm already living with a lack of something. I'm already behind some kind of neurobiological 8-ball. I'm already running to catch up with whatever the heck it was that y'all were just talking about while I was tinkering with my plan to dominate the world by picking blueberries for an hour in the middle of the work day. All of this would be sufficient to alert me to my dopamine deficiency without reminding me that I have a DISORDER.


A deficiency is, in itself, by definition, something to be addressed. ADHD may not be a gift, but I'll be damned if I'm going to run around spitting in the face of everything I've done in life, by repeating "DISORDER-DISORDER-DISORDER" to myself. It's pointless self-abuse.

I have an attention deficit. And if you really read "the literature" you realize that even that part of the label really is fucked anyway. ADHD is NOT an issue of not being able to pay attention, it's an issue of not being able to regulate attention. Which often looks like overfocusing, actually...if you want to get technical.

So THERE, the whole label is screwed.

Attention Regulation Disorder would be more accurate even if it does use the D-word.

And I can own that...I DO have difficulty regulating my attentiveness. But does it mean that I'm disordered, or simply eccentric from the norm. I own my difference, and I own that it presents challenges. But there are some really boring damn people out there with "normal" brains and personally, I think that's a way bigger problem.

I'm going to start referring to those people as "Humor Perception Disordered".

Oh-oh...sorry...I mean "Humor Perception Deficient".

Monday, July 26, 2010

So I married Sonny Rollins...

...and it really was the most beautiful, joyous, fun-filled day of our lives :)