WOW. Vyvanse. WOW.

I can't even believe what happened in my brain today. Seriously.

For the first time in my life, my mind felt totally relaxed, and yet totally naturally so. The fists gripping my consciousness released, the air blew through, and I felt energetic as usual, but totally relaxed. I felt creative, I worked on window displays all day but my thoughts did not race. My thoughts did not race. For those who don't know, stimulant medications are fun for non-ADHDers to abuse because they're apparently fun to get high on. I wouldn't know what that's like though because ADHDers do not get high on them...we get relaxed, calm, and focused. Theoretically they boost our dopamine levels back up to wherever they're supposed to be and stimulate the part of our brain that is doesn't light up on a brain scan like it's supposed to. With stimulant meds we can experience that nice, relaxed feeling that the rest of you take for granted. I'm also going to be trying Yoga as an avenue to peace and relaxation, but right now, I'm trying Vyvanse.

I had started on 30 mg of Vyvanse, and at first it was great...but it seems I acclimated to it very quickly, so after that I was a little jittery...undermedicated it turns out, because now, 50mg is pure heaven.

I hope that this is what continues to happen...I know some people just acclimate to stimulant medication and they have to "take breaks" to maintain its effectiveness, or sometimes just stop taking it all together because it won't work anymore. Right now I'm not going to worry about that, I'm just going to see where this goes.

I know medication doesn't make us perfect. I know it's not something that works for everyone. I know that "pills don't teach skills". But I'm a grownup. I'm in therapy. I'm working on my stuff. And I'm a willing guinea pig. And this guinea pig likes this medication so far and is at least incredibly grateful for the full day of peace that I experienced, for the first time in my life.