One of my favorite reasons for outing myself as an Adult ADHDer is to see the reaction when parents of ADHD children hear this news.
They like to see a successful, creative adult...with ADHD...standing in front of them.
It makes me realize how much some of them worry, because they often look stunned.
Makes me realize how much some of them really worry that their children will never be able to make something of their lives.
ADHD affects different people differently...but you know, however it affects YOU, you still have choices. We all have choices. Some of the choices we have to make as ADHDers are a little different from the choices that normy brains might have to make...but that's life. ADHD is just one challenge that can be thrown your way in the genetic lottery. Whatever your challenges, it's up to you to decide what to do with your strengths.
It's like I said to a dear friend the other day...at some point, whatever the hell is bugging you, you may as well choose to live. And choosing to "live" and embrace life with ADHD is a pretty amazing adventure. Like any good adventure it will involved a few asskickings, either from others, or from yourself (get automatic shut off irons!)...but the unpredictable mayhem cam sometimes be really fun.
Something that really helped me as a young adult, was to look at my life and think "look at all of this chaos in my life...what parts do I have control over? and what does that mean?". I also decided that I needed to start really addressing the sloppier parts of my life that were affecting other people (leaving in the middle of other people special events and occasions, showing up late all the time...etc...). Working on those goals, even though I had not been diagnosed at that point, really helped me to start directing my life in a new way.
You know what else parents? You may have kids with ADHD and they may not "succeed" as perfectly as you might envision...but even kids without ADHD blow their choices. That's not a strictly ADHD-induced phenomenon. Like any kids, if you teach kids with ADHD to make the best possible choices they can...with practice, they'll learn. They might need a little extra practice but who cares...not everyone is perfect at everything the first time.
I still clean my room the same way my mother taught me to when I was 8. I sort things into piles according to what they are. It can be whatever you want...ponies in one pile, pjs in another...it makes cleaning interesting and it gets the job done. I then have baskets and drawers (clear plastic ones so I can remember what's in them) and can dump stuff in there. I don't fold laundry, but I do put it away. My point...any kids, including ADHD kids can learn skills that will help them later on.
Don't worry about perfect...don't think about failure. Just keep plugging away and being solution oriented with your kids...not deficit oriented. That word is so freaking pointless. Choose solutions...choose life...choose to give them the skills that will help them make better choices later.
Lots of wicked smaht people out there with ADHD...doing life every day...finding unique solutions...like me!
They like to see a successful, creative adult...with ADHD...standing in front of them.
It makes me realize how much some of them worry, because they often look stunned.
Makes me realize how much some of them really worry that their children will never be able to make something of their lives.
ADHD affects different people differently...but you know, however it affects YOU, you still have choices. We all have choices. Some of the choices we have to make as ADHDers are a little different from the choices that normy brains might have to make...but that's life. ADHD is just one challenge that can be thrown your way in the genetic lottery. Whatever your challenges, it's up to you to decide what to do with your strengths.
It's like I said to a dear friend the other day...at some point, whatever the hell is bugging you, you may as well choose to live. And choosing to "live" and embrace life with ADHD is a pretty amazing adventure. Like any good adventure it will involved a few asskickings, either from others, or from yourself (get automatic shut off irons!)...but the unpredictable mayhem cam sometimes be really fun.
Something that really helped me as a young adult, was to look at my life and think "look at all of this chaos in my life...what parts do I have control over? and what does that mean?". I also decided that I needed to start really addressing the sloppier parts of my life that were affecting other people (leaving in the middle of other people special events and occasions, showing up late all the time...etc...). Working on those goals, even though I had not been diagnosed at that point, really helped me to start directing my life in a new way.
You know what else parents? You may have kids with ADHD and they may not "succeed" as perfectly as you might envision...but even kids without ADHD blow their choices. That's not a strictly ADHD-induced phenomenon. Like any kids, if you teach kids with ADHD to make the best possible choices they can...with practice, they'll learn. They might need a little extra practice but who cares...not everyone is perfect at everything the first time.
I still clean my room the same way my mother taught me to when I was 8. I sort things into piles according to what they are. It can be whatever you want...ponies in one pile, pjs in another...it makes cleaning interesting and it gets the job done. I then have baskets and drawers (clear plastic ones so I can remember what's in them) and can dump stuff in there. I don't fold laundry, but I do put it away. My point...any kids, including ADHD kids can learn skills that will help them later on.
Don't worry about perfect...don't think about failure. Just keep plugging away and being solution oriented with your kids...not deficit oriented. That word is so freaking pointless. Choose solutions...choose life...choose to give them the skills that will help them make better choices later.
Lots of wicked smaht people out there with ADHD...doing life every day...finding unique solutions...like me!
I've done a fair bit of ADHD related stuff and have had some very interesting experiences since "coming out" so to speak. Like almost complete strangers messaging me asking for help getting prescribed Adderall!
ReplyDeleteI try to slip it into a conversation with friends if things are developing and I feel like they deserve an explanation for some of my behaviors...
It's hard, very hard. I walk around with this sneaking suspicion that I'm missing something. On an intelligence test, I scored in the 3rd percentile on some scales and near the very top in others - some of the questions just didn't make any sense whatsoever to me.
treatment has helped. but it still is a struggle every day.
otoh it has its benefits - I don't think about things for very long which means the bad goes away just like that! =)
I am TOTALLY the same way with standardized/intelligence tests. I was actually recruited in high school for the school's academic decathlon team, because I was so good at standardized tests...provided they had nothing to do with math. I would hit the 99th percentile in many categories and then in math...let's not even talk about that, lol. But you know, nobody can be good at everything, ADHD or not :)
ReplyDeleteAs for things going away...sometimes my brain just locks like a pitbull on things that are frustrating me...other times it's like a non-stick pan and everything just slides off like an omelette and life is delicious again. I think "it depends" should be in the vocabulary of every ADHDer ;)
ahem
ReplyDeleteI really wish I had a sign that I could hold up when I run into someone and am not with it that reads:
"please don't be offended, I love you (as a friend) and wish I could talk - and would talk for hours if you went for a walk with me and had a cup of coffee - but otherwise, I just want to make it to the gym where things make sense!"
LOL! =)
Ahhhh...funny, I think of neon signs all day long that I would love to have just magically appear and flash to tell people things.
ReplyDeleteThings like "Yes that's right, I'm giving you the finger because you're a total a-hole driver" or "I just remember...I get to home and be me at night jerkface, but you have to do home and be you...and that really sucks for you...". Or "run me over with your stroller again bitch...and we'll see who pays for whose kids to go to college". Or uh...something like that.
You also remind me of how much more sense cats make, than people. Dogs aren't included here, because they're basically people. Cats...cats make sense. And many times, I'd rather be chilling with my cat than having to deal with all the possibilities that arise in a roomful of people. Introvert disguised as an extrovert...that's me...
LOL!
ReplyDeletethat's good stuff. ahem please share with your readers that article on adhd medications. it'll make me so happy and it is something that could be of real value to them! =)
Mmmm...yes...just to be clear, that's not something I forgot...I have grad school comps in a month and am just barely having time to check in with my online ADHD universe as is. So I will post it, when I'm ready, when I have time...and when I'm not studying for comps ;)
ReplyDelete(Which is good because you have time to add more drugs to it...it? Lol...)
I'm sorry I just am very impatient... blame it on the ADHD =(
ReplyDelete=)
very much enjoying your posts keep it up! =)