Monday, January 4, 2010

Let's play "I'm so impulsive that I..."...

There's a lot of directions this game could go for an ADHDer, but I'm playing this game today with a point, my point being that we adult ADHDers (and for that matter any other person with any other mental health issue) are only obligated to own the bullshit that we're actually producing. We're not obligated to "own" stereotypes. We're not obligated to accept doubts that have no foundation in our past or current behavior. We ARE obligated to acknowledge and name and own that which we really did generate...but we are not obligated to live under a blanket of "I'm inherently a bad person and incapable of ever making any good choices because I'm an adult with a mental health issue.".

Therefore, let the game commence. It goes like preface each statement with "I'm so impulsive that I..."...

I'M so impulsive that I have been steadily employed since age 15.

I'M so impulsive that I chose to go to grad school and move closer to my family to help with the family business instead of going to Spain to dance like I really wanted to.

I'M so impulsive that I hold myself to a higher standard of review than most people I know.

I'M so impulsive that I run one already successful business and this year will be working to rebuild the second one after my break to complete grad school.

I'M so impulsive that I am FINISHING grad school with a rockin' GPA.

I'M so impulsive that I have turned down two marriage proposals because I was able to separate lust and control from love.

I'M so impulsive that I challenge my family regularly in a healthy way by refusing to be silent about what's really going on in my life.

I'M so impulsive that I pushed myself through to complete my undergrad degree even though it felt like moving a mountain and I was miserable the whole time.

I'M so impulsive that I worked 2-3 jobs in college while my friends backpacked around Europe and did a ton of drugs that I also didn't do.

I'M so impulsive that I stay too long in relationships that sometimes hurt me because I like to give others the benefit of the doubt.

I'M so impulsive that I will not make decisions that do not ring true in my heart, just to please someone else or make my life easier.

I'M so impulsive that it took me two years to find just the right dog for me, by reading about dogs, and meeting dogs and preparing my former partner for what it might mean to have a dog in the house, and learning about puppy training.

I'M so impulsive that I write all of my ideas down in a notebook for later reference and review before acting on them.

I'M so impulsive that people in my life trust me to organize projects for them.

I'M so impulsive that I am generally a valued employee when working for others because I am reliable and hard-working and regularly go the extra mile.

I'M so impulsive that I 34 and do not have children and have never been married because I CHOSE not to thus far and sooner would not have been the right thing for me.

I'M so impulsive that I played the piano for 11 years as a child.

I'M so impulsive that I dedicated myself to studying dance so firmly that I would not schedule time with friends or anything else during rehearsal or class times.

I'M so impulsive that I always refused to rehearse or perform under the influence of alcohol or drugs when I was still performing, because it was too important to me, and other people were relying on me.

Sigh. Well that was fun but I'm all played out right now. And I'm starting to sound boring. Is it always EASY for me to make decisions like those above? No. But that's not the point. Do I always enjoy making those decisions? Hell no, again, not the point. The point is that I have made them, and I still make them, and my life is not a wasteland of impulsive decision-making. If only some people made the same effort to be kind, and to be compassionate, as to label and demean others with their own ignorance. But they have that luxury I suppose...the luxury to live without a label...the luxury to be able to judge others so carelessly and groundlessly. It's not a luxury I envy quite frankly.


  1. Well said!

    Stereotypes about ADHD always make me cringe -- whether they are the "positive" ones (creativity, entrepreneurial talents, sense of humor) or the other kind.

    For every living examplar of each stereotype, I can always name five people with ADHD I know who exhibit the exact opposite characteristic.

    The trickiest part of understanding ADHD, in my opinion, is that it's so variable and cannot be boiled down to simplistic traits. To perpetuate the simple notions is a disservice to everyone.


  2. Yep...pretty much.

    The body of research, by its omissions, sort of implies that I don't exist. At least my therapist believes I'm real :) ! And there's a whole ton of us fictional characters running around from what I understand.

    Another day when I have a better sense of humor I'll play the game again with the focus on fabulous disasters...but I've lived so many of them this morning alone that I can't even smile right now...see ----> >:(

  3. That is good point,and a perfect example of the way I was looking at things, before I took the time to read more than one thing about ADHD. There are no absolutes, when it comes to many brain related issues. I am learning slowly... on purpose.

  4. Ahhh, slowly, on purpose :) I like it! What's the rush anyway???