Thursday, December 10, 2009

How Do REALLY Feel?

I really, really don't think that either of my medications is serving me the way I need them to. There was a lovely time there where everything seemed perfect...but as time has worn on, there is a problem with each of them.

Remeron drugs me ridiculously. I'll begrudgingly admit that my NP was right, taking it earlier in the evening DOES mean I'm less groggy the next day. I have NO idea why this is true because I'm telling you, when I take it around 11 pm, if I don't take the Vyvanse with it the next day, I am walking dead for the entire next day. If I take it at 8pm, I feel fine the next day. There is no logic to that, for me, but whatever. The problem is that it is interfereing with my quality of life. Most psych meds mean that your relationship with alcohol has to become a more limited one, and for the most part, that's okay with me. However, 3 or so times a week I might want ONE beer in the evening, or A GLASS of wine. This is not excessive or unreasonable, but it does wonders for morale in sarcasm, I enjoy that ONE beverage to the last drop. Oh, that is unless I have to take my Remeron at the same damn time of day that I want to be drinking that beverage, and 7:30 to 8pm is consistently the usual time I would like to be doing that, so I can't do that anymore, right? WRONG...this med needs to go buh bye. My therapist totally supports me in my quest for 3 beers per week and told me to call if it's bothering me that much.

The Vyvanse? Seriously...I hate this but it seems for the last few weeks like that only benefits I'm getting are that it keeps me awake when the Remeron makes me drowsy and makes me not want to eat. I am fully aware that sometimes we think they're not working, the stimulants, when the problem is just that it's working, but we're choosing to focus on something else...I am focusing on NOTHING. For weeks. It's caused weird work hours, and more frustratingly, has made homework impossible. Not much else to say about that.

I am considering keeping a meds journal through the day for like a week, so I dont have to burden myself with remembering when he asks me those annoying questions like "so, can you focus" and I want to answer "look douchebagel, if I felt like it was working, I wouldn't be here putting up with you questioning me like this!". Just the fact that this is the answer I feel most drawn to right now should probably indicate that perhaps the meds aren't "doing their thing". Really I'd really rather be playing pin the tail on the donkey on his face, than having to go through "the questions" again right now.

I'm just going to eat the living Christ out of this jar of chocolate sauce that's in my hand right now (with a SPOON), keep a lil' meds journal, and call him next week.


  1. I would like to thank you for introducing me to the word "douchebagel."

    (My personal warping comes from my nephew: juicebag.)

  2. JUICEBAG! Nice...the kid-friendly version...and I do need a kid-friendly version...