Monday, May 18, 2009

Terror Alert

You know how intelligence agencies talk about the "chatter" they hear through intelligence circles that indicate a rise in terrorist activity. That probably the perfect way to explain what is happening inside my head today. When I started taking my medication over a week ago, it left me a bit groggy, but my mind was actually blissfully clear of the stuff that constantly bounces around in it. As my body continues to adjust to the medication however, I suppose I am bound to have days like this. I had become so accustomed to the quiet in my head over the last week or so, that now that the "chatter" is back, it's driving me absolutely nuts. It certainly drives home for me the significance of the level of distraction in my brain that I had learned to live with over the previous 33 years. It makes me really proud of myself that I had learned many creative ways to manage it, so that I could "pass" for appropriate. It also makes me really hope that I will be able to get back to that quiet space, at least some of the time, once the medication finally decides if it is "right" for me. I don't need perfection. But a small break from the constant idea-splosions in my brain would be nice. Even a softening of their insistence makes it easier for me to focus on whatever task may be at hand.

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