Friday, June 10, 2011

A bird's nest of notes to self-

-perches on the desk before me. I'm supposed to be going through it to consolidate my notes and get rid of the ones that reference tasks I've already completed, but instead I'm sitting here bloggin', while trying to find a magic way to get myself to give a crap.

Incidentally I'm out of Concerta and "meth" this morning so I didn't take any, but isn't that the lazy man's way out, blaming the lack of meds?

Yes, yes it is. There are tasks and actions that I file under "not enough Ritalin on the planet earth to get me to give a shit about this" and this goes on the list. I'll use blogging as a coping tool though, vent my dissatisfaction and then threaten myself with the importance of job security to get myself back on task. Anxiety is unhealthy, but MAN is it useful.

It's hard not to laugh when I think about how many times in my life I have had to resort to mental self-torture to get things done. I can recall sitting in my room in junior high school, watching Gilligan's Island on my little black and white tv doing anything but my homework...trying to convince myself that I would do it in 5 minutes...for hours. In junior high, when I was still early in my self-steering journey, mismanagement of my time got me kicked out of a gifted students program. It hasn't gotten me fired from a job yet but there's still time I suppose.

This is a pretty special pile of crap on my desk here, taller and denser than usual, I don't normally let it get to this point at work because I can't function in clutter. I usually am able to organize things and categorize things, but many of my tasks at this particular job are...only tangentially related to one another...and I haven't found a good way to keep my work flow streamlined yet. So I'm sorting through a pile of scraps of paper. On the one hand at least I write stuff down. On the other hand...I look forward to creating a steering mechanism that works more effectively for THIS work.


No comments:

Post a Comment