Friday, October 15, 2010

I've been a little quiet...

...and it's basically because life is REALLY objectively stressful right now. It's easy to lose sight of the many good things when a handful seem to be coming apart at the seams or burning to the ground, but I've been practicing EXTRA HARD.

I make lists of things that make me happy lately, when it all feels like too much (and lately that is a frequent feeling).

I've had three panic attacks in two weeks and I honestly haven't really and truly had one for about 9 years...this says something about how stressful things have been. But...I am soooo much better at managing them that I used to be. The best first step is acknowledging what's going on.

My therapist also gave me a tool that is AMAZING. She says that when I feel anxious I should talk to the anxiety. sounds like typical therapist googoogaga but it works...when I feel my anxiety level rising, I start to talk to the anxiety. I ask it questions. And as I do so, something awesome happens...the anxiety takes on its own starts to evolve as a being separate from myself. This process encapsulates the anxiety into a tangible form that no longer seems threatening and no longer feels attached to me. I don't know if this works this way for everyone, but for me, it's the best new magic tool in my toolbox.

So...I guess I've needed more of my energy for me, and less for blogging...learning to ration my energy when necessary? Well then I guess this is all progress...wrapped in a funny, awkward little package.

I'm a soldier armed for battle...and battle seems less scary (and less like a battle) when you're prepared to face it.

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