So I don't have insurance, I'm out of Concerta, I have regular methylphenidate but it sucks and...I'm drinking Tuscan Lemonade. Yes, yes I am. I'm not drunk. I'm not irresponsible. But I'm drinking alcohol to take the edge off of...the edge. Because I have a life to live and it's after normal work hours, and I need a break from working hard to pretend that I don't feel horrendous.
The definition of horrendous can be subjective, so for the sake of clarity I'll elaborate: I'm cranky, I'm grumpy, I'm less patient, I can't stand bright lights, I really REALLY don't want to talk to or deal with people...even though nobody knows it...because I'm working very hard to not be a jerk to people. And it's exhausting and a little painful.
Tuscan Lemonade is a delightful premixed concoction of vodka and lemonade. And it's goooood. Just a touch of it and voila, I still want to sit in the dark but I can share space with other human beings, which is important because I share a home with four of them.
Anybody out there watch Victorious on the Disney Channel? Well you know there's Tori, the good girl heroine and there's Jade, her dark alter ego. Well a week ago I was Tori, and since running out of the Concerta (because I don't have insurance...and just found out it would cost over $400 a month to maintain it for my healthy under 40 self...what?!) I have become Jade. I think I'll be stuck in Jade mode for a while. Which is something I need to think about...because I can't use alcohol as a coping method indefinitely. Even if I'm not using it to get snockered, it's just not a good idea.
Tomorrow I'm going to do a little research to see how much the generic Concerta will cost without insurance - I'll call the pharmacy. And if that doesn't pan out well...well I'll see what other options I have. Tonight, I'll have just a touch more Tuscan Lemonade and offer a toast to living in a country where people who work perfectly reasonable middle class jobs can't afford health insurance. And the Disney Channel shows that keep us from asking too many questions about it.
Excellent post! I sooo relate to this. Have had almost exact same feelings when I've run out of meds (also Concerta). Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletebtw, I tried generic Concerta (and blogged about it at ADHD from A to Zoë). It was horrible for me, and for many who commented on my post. I believe the "generic" in Canada is different than in the U.S.; I hope so, if that's what you're going to try.
I hope you blog about your experience.
Anyway, cheers! (ha ha)
And best of luck w/your treatment,
Zoë Kessler
Blogger, ADHD from A to Zoë, PsychCentral.com
Ah ha...well I have been taking the generic Concerta for a while now and it's been fine. I have read other people's not so glowing reviews and found them interesting because for me, it's been ok. I'm actually sitting here when I should be going to bed typing because I still just feel so off kilter. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post, thanks for the honesty. Running out of meds made me do this to the point where it got in the way so I turned to other things like exercise, medication etc., however, on a day I couldn't get out but needed something so I went to GNC and looked for ADD alternatives. They told me they were better found on the internet. So I tried a host of "natural" alternatives like prodiffernt, adderlint, and addieup. Except for addieups, I was either feeling no results or too jittery and amped up. I heard that there's a shortage of meds predicted for 2012 so I'm glad I've got something, (besides the vodka) to help!
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