Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Yeah so I wrote another post...

...but because I violated one of my own rules, I hid it. I didn't delete it. I put my conviction behind every word, and I really feel the way I do. Anyway, we don't need to get into it, but I violated one of my own rules. When a person reaches a certain point of frustration, it's hard not to sometimes.

Everything in my life right now requires extreme patience. Extreme for me in any case. I have pieces of everything that I can work on, but I ultimately have control over none of them. I just have to wait.

I think the house-buying was what tipped the scale just a little too far for me to handle with ease. Yes, we are working on buying a house. It's a lovely house. An old New England house with lots of cool retro features that we love. Buying it, because of its age, involves coordinating a bunch of contractors to come in and out and give us ginormous numbers that we're trying to finance along with the mortgage. Really, it's all in good shape but a few critical items could use an update...better to do it now than have the ancient furnace kick the bucket in New England in January!

You can't just let anxiety tell you "don't buy a house because it's too hard!". But it does feel like I took on another job on top of the two that I already have. On top of family life. On top of you know, every other damn shebang.

I guess the only thing to do is just keep working on the pieces. I don't anticipate enjoying it. But I'm going to keep working on it.

I talked to my therapist today and she said "remember you are not alone...other people feel these things too in these situations". I'll just go with that.


  1. Among the things that are supposed to feel one way, but often end up feeling the exact opposite - wedding days, graduations, new babies - there's no bigger sh*tstorm than real estate. Don't believe the hype that it's THE accomplishment and you're supposed to feel *great* about it. It's the biggest financial transaction of your life (usually!), and it impacts directly on every physical comfort-issue, from plumbing to refrigeration to sunlight blasting through the bedroom window you're too tired to slap a miniblind onto. With kids and ADHD in the mix?? Just keep breathing and know that it will eventually subside. Houses keep falling apart, so it's never over, but once the contractors, inspectors and assessors are out of your hair, you WILL feel better ;-) You're a tough cookie -- I love how you dropped this info like, hmm, maybe it's the house thingy. OF COURSE IT IS, this brings many people to their knees, people without adhd or kids or anything. Really!

  2. "this brings many people to their knees" - thank you Julia, for your comments and this one in particular is to me, perfection. It really is nuts, isn't it?

    And on the tail end of a year that included getting engaged, married, for my husband finalizing an almost complete divorce, for me acquiring three children, and getting through a temporary (mostly) disability.

    I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY I FEEL DEPRESSED, ANXIOUS, SCATTERED AND UNABLE TO DEAL MOST OF THE TIME. Even though I fake it really, really good. I hope you're detecting the sarcasm there...though I am REALLY good at faking it.

    Thank you again for your comments here in the eye of the shit-storm, lol.