Wednesday, April 6, 2011

152 + 156 26...

I just read the amount of blog posts I've written. Add one year to another to another and HOLY SHIT!

That's a lot of blog posts, some better than others of course. That's a whole book (if all of them were worth including, lol).

I'm fascinated that in 2009 and 2010 I wrote almost exactly the same amount of blog posts for the year. Although 2010 was a full year and 2009 was not...

Anyway, I'm here now. Yes I am. What a trip.

Yes I'm here and I don't know quite what that means right now. But I'm here. This winter has been awful.

The only way I have been able to begin to pull myself out of this is by asserting myself in small ways.

The other night, instead of leaving "kids shows" on in the livingroom, where I sat within sight of step-daughter doing her homework...I put Dancing With The Stars on. When she finished her homework, she came to watch it with me for a few minutes before bed.

When I was 6, I adored the Solid Gold Dancers. I remember going to daycare after school and telling the teachers that I wanted to be a dancer and they said "oh, what kind" and then I got shy, so they assumed a ballerina. We had to draw pictures of whatever we'd decided to be when we grew up and I drew a ballerina. It was clear that the teachers thought that someone who wanted to be a dancer wanted to be a ballerina, so that's what I drew, but I really wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer.

Step-daughter and I watched Dancing With The Stars and the first dancer came out in a bright metallic gold bikini. She was stunned and a little appalled. I pointed out that this was no more shocking than average swimwear on the beach. She conceded that point, but thought it inappropriate for appearing on television. The next dancer came out in a long dress that covered her body. I said " never know what these girls are going to wear". By the third couple, she was critiquing the dancers like a pro "I think that was a 7".

Right now it's the little things. I'm a little afraid to come back to life all at once. But I might like to do it in a gold bikini.


  1. Amazing how we let our dreams hide behind what might look more appropriate to someone else... I tell my clients that to live your dreams in the way you wish to live them is an inspiration to every other soul on the planet that wishes to do the same.
    I look forward to the day you post a pic of you dancing in your gold bikini!