Tuesday, September 28, 2010

ADHDer Pet Peeve #3,589: Peeps without ADHD who act like they're perfect!

Oh yeah...you've met them...perhaps you've BEEN them...people without ADHD who think they're perfect. They may go so far as to imply, or even state outright exactly how flawed they think you are, and how EXASPERATING it is to them.

Meanwhile, they forget agreements they made, forget conversations that you remember clearly, etc, etc, and then blame YOUR ADHD for the discrepancy.
It's classic bullshit.

We with ADHD already must bear the burden of our shortcomings, first by identifying them and then by addressing them through coping strategies. When faced with a situation like this, I love to pull out any notes or documentation I may have squirrelled away, memorializing the agreement that I made with the obnoxious person(s) in question. In relation to my businesses or work stuff I learned long ago, to document everything, and save every email regarding agreements or promises or instructions.

It's not just to prove the promises of others, but to keep myself accountable. Sometimes I just plain have to go back and see what I said, so I don't make an ass of myself when pointing out something that doesn't seem quite right to me. Is it not quite right because THEY screwed up, or is it not quite right because I did...it's important to lay responsibility in the appropriate drawer.

My dear fellow ADHDers...never forget that even normal people forget stuff. Even normal people forget things they said, promises they made...all humans are fallible, not just us.


  1. Spunky indeed! And more importantly, totally correct.

  2. I now have Parliament stuck in my head: "We've got the spunk...".

  3. This is starting to happen at home. My wife is forgetting things and I'm repeating past conversations almost verbatim or checking my calendar and saying..."See...it says there that we were going to do X."

  4. Scott, you have insight on my real life so I think your comments get more weight :)

    Jeff: I LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS :) Coping mechanisms (like calendar usage) level the playing field!

  5. Well, said, Katy.

    I would just add that "normal" people don't "gaslight" people with ADHD, though. ;-)

    And "non-ADHD" does not equal "normal" -- whatever normal is.

  6. Jeff -- same thing happened with me and my husband, except in our case it was from me acting as the prefrontal cortex for both of us, for too many years. :-)

  7. Wait...you're not all trying to drive us insane?


    On behalf of all ADHDers Gina, I apologize for the extra wear and tear on your prefrontal cortex, lol...

  8. Normal really is kind of a bad word...I need to stop bandying it about...I also need to stop using words like "bandying"...

  9. Hey, bandy all you want! I hope I didn't seem to be calling you to task.

    It just seems that the only time I hear about "normal" people is when people with ADHD are talking about them. Otherwise, I don't know this species. :-)

    By this age, I've learned that most people are not normal, including myself.

  10. Oh, and thanks for the apology, Katy. But you haven't added any wear and tear to my PFC. ;-)

    It's not like I had a turbo-charged PFC to begin with. And my husband used to joke about an episode on Star Trek, where Picard and Sarek did a mind meld thing, and Picard starting losing his mind. My husband would say, "That's what's happening to us" as my little PFC started breaking down.

    But the major stress wasn't just from his ADHD; it was from trying to find help for us both and then trying to help other people navigate the system.

    This ADHD Industrial Complex .... it's gotten MUCH better over the years, but definite pitfalls remain.

    No matter how you look at it, ADHD ain't for sissies.

  11. bandybandybandybandybandybandybandy....

  12. ADHD ain't for sissies...hmmm...I hear you...but this gave me pause because I kind of realized that...maybe we on the inside sometimes don't really how "not for sissies" it is? I mean...we have always been this way...until I sought "treatment" I knew something in my life was a little "off" but I had no idea how "off" it was at times...heh...just mulling...