Sunday, November 1, 2009

Remembering to Remember that you have ADHD

I sometimes have moments where I give in to the doubters and think "maybe I just think differently, maybe I just..." blahblahblah.

These moments are often followed with a sudden "remembering" of some old memory that brings me back to reality. A nostalgia cocktail with a "what the fuck!" chaser.

Today's flashback and shattering of delusion came courtesy of a snapshot in my mind, of a pile of dishes on the bathroom counter in my dorm bathroom. I hated college, I really hated living in the dorms (OVERWHELMING). And I couldn't get my organizational shit together to save my life. I felt like I was slowly dying, the grades sucked, and all of these annoying, fluffy girls in my dorm just seemed to be able to get through the day high on the cotton between their ears, all organized, and "normal" while I felt like I was being pulled apart piece by piece by all of the demands tugging on me. I couldn't stand the pile of dishes anymore so I brought them to the dorm bathroom to wash them, and then I don't remember what diverted my attention but I did intend to wash them, and then I didn't and they were there for a like a week and then one day...they were GONE. I never found out who, but someone had either taken them or thrown them out. And unfortunately there were some sentimental items in that pile. And I had a total meltdown, that I was embarrassed about later, I won't even go into detail about how I dealt with it because it's still painful and it was 15 years ago. Nobody understood why I had done something so irresponsible in the first place, and in light of such, I clearly had no right to be having such a fit about it, especially a fit like that.

Ugh. Yeah okay, enough now, all set in the remembering department. This weekend was already like hanging out inside a carwash, minus the car, I think I'll just go to bed instead of lathering myself in the filth of more happy memories.

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