Bacon...it's REAL BACON

If you ever wondered what the frig I'm doing in that photo on the right hand side of the page, I'm eating bacon. Real bacon.

Good news! Adults don't have ADHD!

No seriously everyone, this is so great! I just got new insurance coverage and when I took my new card to the pharmacy, the pharmacy was told that they can't refill my prescription for 18mg Concerta because a) I'm over 19 so I can't have ADHD and b) because I don't exist, because you know, adults don't have ADHD and I haven't been taking this drug for quite some time now, I have to get prior authorization from my prescriber. You know...the one that wrote the prescription? The prescription that says "hey, my patient is 35 and has ADHD and needs this medication".

I am SO not joking right now. This really just happened.

The pharmacy sent a fax to my "doctor's office"...but I don't know if that means the mental health center (aka my REAL doctor's office for the past two years, who actually deal with me on a regular basis) that prescribes all of my medications and who clearly are aware that they have "authorized" me to take Concerta, or the PCP office that doesn't prescribe it, that, if contacted is going to go "Yeah, I guess so, I mean we've never treated this person for ADHD because they go to a MENTAL HEALTH CENTER FOR THAT but the patient did self-report that they take it and showed us the bottle...so does this count as pre-authorization? And can we get extra cheese with that?".

Hey insurance company--no wait, let me get more specific, hey ANTHEM BLUE CROSS HMO BLUE NEW ENGLAND--FUCK YOU.

FUCK. YOU.

FUCKYOU!

Sheesh.

At least there's good news in there somewhere: there's no such thing as ADHD if you're over 35! Which must be why I feel bitchy, volatile, and probably disproportionately reactive about the whole thing. Because I don't have ADHD, and didn't just about cry in the middle of the pharmacy.

Because people pretending to have ADHD over the age of 19 are what's wrong with America's healthcare system. MAN, I'm so glad they just called me out like that and refused me my medication, I mean people like me are really taking advantage of the system. It's not the unhealthy lifestyle choices of the majority of Americans that are screwing insurance companies out of their bottom line, and making insurance coverage suck for everyone else, it's people like me, in generally good health, PRETENDING TO HAVE ADHD.

FUCK YOU ANTHEM!

Update to the ADHD diagnosis criteria

I'd like to add:

Does subject's life feel like a broken record?

File under: I like THIS about our household

If you had one million dollars and nothing better to do with it, I would bet YOU a MILLION dollars that my oldest and youngest step-children are the ones with the ADHD, and the middle one, though he may seem like an ADHD stereotype at times, is not.

Granted, the oldest is already diagnosed and really doing well with her stimulant medication as a helper so she's not really the focus of this demonstration (just comic relief).

The youngest is still very young and there's no need to visit "treatment" or "diagnosis" at this time. But I recognize the signs. He vascillates between total absorption and total lack of anchoring in a way that to me, is charmingly familiar.

The middle on the other hand...is a rambunctious, energetic and at times, frankly, a bit hyperactive 7-year-old boy. But let me demonstrate a difference or two...

Dinner with the 7-year-old boy: involves chatter, involves questions, involves energy, but also generally involves eating. Dinner with the 5-year-old boy: hey, lookie, there's a bug on the wall, oh look, I'm wandering around the kitchen for no reason, wow, how'd I get hyperfocused on that goldfish cracker, hey, now I'm handing it to my step-mother because I know she likes the color orange. Hey can I have some ice cream? Are you going to eat more dinner? What? Oh...I forgot about the chicken nuggets somewhere between jumping out of my chair 80 times and examining the crunch factor of my goldfish crackers. (Dinner with 8-year-old sister: wtf, eating is like such an inconvenience, I'm in a super hurry to be somewhere else, ugh, oh shit I squirted ketchup in my eye.)

7-year-old brother is generally able to hear and follow instructions. Will grumble about homework, and occasionally throw a cocky attitude around, but generally will do what is asked fairly efficiently, hears reason, likes to help with household chores (and will do them from start to finish). When you say to him "hey, next commercial break, you could run in, do a page of homework and run back out" he'll just go do it because it's practical and makes sense. Loves to ride his bike and skateboard, but can remember to finish things he's in the middle of.

5-year-old: want to set a record for the slowest Easter egg hunt ever? He's your man. He's so stoked on the Easter egg hunt that he'll forget what he's hunting for!

(8-year-old: OMG. GET OUT OF MY WAY, THOSE ARE MY FRIGGING EGGS AND IMA KILL A SUCKA THAT GETS IN THE WAY!)

7: If he's screwing around it's usually because he's making a fairly active choice toward jackassery and testing your limits.

5: If he's screwing around it's usually, not always, but USUALLY because he is on Mars. But he really likes it there, so lay off man.

(8: I'm WAY too anxious to give a crap about whatever it is you're telling me. Oh lookie, I forgot my meds with morning, even though Daddy handed them to me and they're still sitting there on the table, d'oh. Can't imagine--insert sarcasm--why I feel so anxious and crappy. Heh heh.)

I'm just setting the stage to explain to you the title of this blog post. I am, indeed noticing these things about the kids, and can't help but assume that 1 and 3 got the ADHD genes and 2 did not.

But in our house...none of that really matters. That's what I love about our house. We look at each child and adapt to the reality before us, instead of expecting uniform conformity at all times, across the board. Yes, we have basic rules...no jumping on furniture...we have consequences...you lose a bead if you...we have expectations....it's simply not okay to scream at other people, regardless of your spot on the neurodiversity spectrum. Everybody's got things they're good at, things they need to work on, and choices to be made.

I expect to remind the 5-year-old about 80 times during dinner to please sit his bum on his chair so he doesn't choke on a goldfish cracker, and I know to expect that his daydreamy approach to genius is highly entertaining and really extremely bright. I expect the 7-year-old to test limits, for whatever reason, but I do really appreciate it when he shows what a good listener and hard worker he can be, because that's something he's able to do (and it shouldn't be taken for granted). I also expect that when 8-year old is feeling anxious or overstimulated by her surroundings, she's going to act like a crabby jerk...and will need to be reminded again that the crabby voice is not the correct one to choose when making a request. Also appreciate when she makes better choices. And I don't mind using creative methods to make homework easier to focus on, or giving her breaks to air her brain out.

Whatever the reality in front of us is, we try to just accept it...and work to make it a more pleasant and productive experience for everyone involved. Nobody's bad or good, just different.

File Under: And I'M the one with the ADHD diagnosis?

My boss does crossword puzzles during staff meetings because it's easier for her to hear what people are saying when she's busy doing something fairly mindless.

I guess it's a tale of two coping mechanisms. Me, I generally just have to pop another meth-tab because the staff meetings fall right when my meds wear off, lol. Within 10 minutes I'm no longer fidgeting and can miraculously "hear" what people are saying. Also like the body relaxing. Nice. At least for those of us who don't find crossword puzzles relaxing, there's drugs.

This victory for mental health DELIGHTS ME!

It's not a total victory, but it IS satisfying and will hopefully lead to good things.

I live in NH, a state in which funding for community mental health support is scarce and only getting scarcer thanks to the proposed budget from our currently "insane" State Legislature. Because of the paucity of outpatient mental health resources in our communities, it is not uncommon for people who don't need to be institutionalized, to be institutionalized. This is not the 1850's. This is the State of New Hampshire, in 2011.

Many people are unhappy with the current proposed budget from the State Legislature. The reasons are many, but it is fairly clear that the budget was crafted 50/50 from concerns about the budget...and partisan, ideological shenanigans. You have to remember that NH is a state ripe with Free-Staters and other assorted stripes of Libertarian. And while I, personally, actually agree with many of their ideals, I am a practical person who is willing to bow to certain realities. Institutionalizing people who don't need to be there is beyond wrong. "Families" and "churches" aren't going to make people sane again. (I should add that there's a weird neo-con element at play here that has gotten all mixed up in the Libertarian ideals...it makes no sense but hey, maybe I just don't get it because I'm a "liberal". Hmm. Wait, nope, it actually doesn't make any sense, lol.).

If the NH Legislature has its way, we will lose funding for all kinds of things that make many people's lives worth living, including significant funding for community mental health support-- support which was already lacking.

I'm delighted this morning to read that the Federal government agrees! I'm not given to delight over Federal government intervention, but in this instance I am--why do we even have government if not to protect the weakest among us. We are all only as strong as our weakest citizen.

Per the Concord Monitor, The AG's office has gone so far as to state that they will be compelled to sue the State of NH if the lack of community mental health resources in our state continues to be a problem.

As someone who currently utilizes these services (because I have only intermittently had insurance in the past several years) and who has seen friends suffer needlessly because they cannot get access to either the money, the insurance, or the availability of these services, I have never been more in love with Federal government than I am right now.

Hyperbole? I have ADHD, I do everything emphatically.

Let's talk about what "as is" means...

Someone left a comment about just being myself "as is", and that's really an important concept to grasp. It's a comment with sincerity, simplicity and value, and when I am able to do so, this is what I really strive for.

It gets tricky though on the days where, for whatever reason, me in my natural state is in inherent conflict with everything else in my life. And I am not a person that seeks conflict.

This is where "being yourself" starts edging you into the territory where conflict with one's surroundings can be defined as a disorder.

There are mornings where I am truly too depressed to get up and I do anyway. There are mornings where I am so anxious that I feel like my innards might explode but I still have to go to work or wherever else I need to be that day. There are days where, for whatever reason, everything makes me want to cry, but I still need to do some laundry and help my husband with the kids. There are days when I am exuberant and unable to sit still but I still have to get the boring stuff taken care of. There are days where I feel simply at peace. Every day, at some point, inability to "focus" becomes an issue. And I have had to learn to temper various types of reactivity. At least one to two of these issues is at play every single day and it's not something I can choose.

I am the first to say that there is nothing inherently wrong with any of these states of being. But no matter what I think of them, I have to think about how my behavior will help me to mesh or not mesh with whatever it is that I need to do that day. I cannot choose what my body chemistry is doing. I cannot choose how I "feel". But I CAN choose what I will do and say as I move through the day.

My dog doesn't think about what and who he is like I do and there's charm to that. But frankly, it's gotten him into big trouble on occasion. You can't just bite people when you're feeling insecure and expect no consequences. You can't just pee on the rug every time you feel like it, because you don't feel like going outside.

Happily, my dog now sees the superiority of peeing outdoors (he gets a lot more freedom now that he does). My natural, unaltered state with no behavioral intervention involves a lot of behaviors and vocalizations that are simply not appropriate in settings where functional adult humans exist in their daily out-of-the-home-routines. Many of them would not be appropriate in my home either, really.

We with ADHD (or any other "disorder" that takes us out of the normal acceptable range of behavior) need to take responsibility for ourselves. So yes...we DO need to accept ourselves. But we also owe it to ourselves and every other creature we share space with during the day, to find that line between "us being us" and "us being assholes". This is not neurosis...this is necessity.