Turn Around Three Times, Knock 10 Times, Then Give Us the Magic Password!

I don't know about the rest of you chumps with ADHD, but people, I think we have a serious problem out there, a threat to the sanity of ADHDers everywhere. It's a hell created by movement through the cyber world, and the need for secrecy...it's the daily reality of living online with ADHD: remembering all of your fucking passwords.

What really drives me insane is that every friggin' website I go to demands that you meet different guidelines for the password for that site. I know that this is for my "safety", but its driving me insane, and I would prefer to be allowed to compromise my cyber safety rather than my sanity. Because right now, I'm so fucking cyber safe that I can't remember any of my passwords.

Oh I know...there's an EASY solution to this problem, right? I should just write them all down, it's that easy!!! 'cause you know, people with ADHD need MORE SHIT to write down on little notes that you have to stick somewhere that you'll remember that you put them. That's exactly what I need in my life, more notes and other things to help me remember to remember stuff. Awesome.

I can have a list of all the things I need to do each day, and a list of all the things I need to remember that relate to other people in my house, and then the things we need to do around the house, and notes to remember to do all of the out of sight out of mind things that ADHDers forget, and notes to stick to my steering wheel to remind me to do stuff in the morning, and notes to remind me to go to the basement and scoop the cat litter and notes to remind me to wash my underwear so I can get dressed in the morning because I seem to be out of them, and notes to remind me that there are veggies in the crisper because otherwise they don't exist in my mind, and notes to remind me to walk my dog because I actually forget things like that sometimes until the dog is running around on my head (he's small enough to do that) and notes to remind me to pay the bills that I forgot to pay last week and notes to remind me to go to the store to get things I forgot the last time I was there, and notes to remind me to write other notes to remind myself of other stuff AND...I can be THIS LUCKY...NOTES TO REMIND MYSELF OF EVERY INTERNET PASSWORD THAT I HAVE TO REMEMBER BECAUSE I CAN'T JUST REVOLVE A LIMITED AMOUNT OF THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T MEET THE REQS FOR EVERY EFFIN' SITE I VISIT!

Because what I really need, and what every adult ADHDer REALLY, REALLY NEEDS, is MORE FUCKING REMINDER NOTES. I really don't think I have enough of those world, PLEASE send me another situation in life that requires MORE reminders and MORE notes, because that's what I want for Christmas more than ANYTHING ELSE! PLEEEEEEEEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!

Sonny Rollins is tickling my feet now. He knows I'm writing a grumpy blog post about passwords and he doesn't care, he just thought he might tickle my feet.

This is why this relationship works.

Color-coding

Moving in with Sonny and the kids has shown me one true thing: we have a crap-ton of laundry. Two adults and five children go through a lot of clothing, towels and washcloths in a week. Our home has two floors with one bathroom on each floor. I have color-coded the bathrooms, and YOU should too! In order to keep myself sane, because my ADHD brain explodes under the twists of inefficiency (for a variety of reasons that perhaps I should blog about another time) I decided that the upstairs bathroom (the kids' bathroom) gets towels in bright, rainbow colors and the downstairs bathroom (for big people) gets the neutrals.

When we finish the laundry, I sort the bright towels into one pile, and the neutrals into another pile, and simply deliver them to their respective bathroom. This may sound silly, but to me it seemed overwhelming to have to even gather or inventory the information concerning how many towels or washcloths might be currently existing in each bathroom. The bathrooms are both heavily trafficked so the only thing that really matters is that each one has a nice stack at all times.

With an ADHD brain, I really need to work to simplify life in ways like this, in order to free up RAM for more important tasks. Running up and down the stairs and remembering which bathroom needs what is antithetical to that goal.

So there. I had to really think about what bathroom to put the white towels in, but who in their right mind gives small children white towels to use? As such, in our home, the whites go with the neutrals :)

Sometimes I LIKE hyperspeed!!!!!!!!!

There are times when hyperspeed is a bad thing. And there are times when it's a fun thing. AND there are times when it's a useful thing.

Right now, I have some scenarios in life that interact with me in such a way that I am not enjoying hyperspeed. For example, when I have already identified that I am DONE with something and yet there are mitigating circumstances, requiring my attendance for a bit longer...shockingly, this is not a situation where I shine. It's not a situation where anyone shines...but for the ADHD mind, always thinking to the NEXT, it's basically hell, and it takes quite a bit of work not to REACT to the situation by doing something cool like leaving or verbally snapping like a twig.

Oh that doesn't mean that we ADHD adults can never restrain the impulse to DO such things...just that it's a bigger struggle to say NO to the inner impulse. That I might have to go take a few walks around the block in order to channel the energy in a more positive direction. I know my limits and a few of them have been reached. It's great for the dog, he likes the walks.

I have many fish frying simultaneously at the moment though, so some fish are overcooked, some fish are just browning, some fish have sat in the cold oil too long and I'm hoping they aren't disgusting when I'm done frying them up. Hoping the frying can hide the odor.

Hoping I can free myself from this stinky metaphor.

One way I have found to cope with these scenarios that frustrate me, is to allow myself movement in some other area. I used to allow movement in too many areas, anything to GET AWAY. Now I try to allow myself the joy of hyperspeed without judgment, just on one glorious salt-flat.

It's a moderated hyperspeed...it's the only kind I can allow myself right now. It's keeping me stimulated enough to tolerate that which irks me.

Humming along. Back to the sanctioned torrent at hand...

As if "Deficit" isn't enough...

...they tack "Disorder" on too.

I think we need to drop the "Disorder". It's redundant and it flies in the face of honoring neurodiversity. This isn't about being PC, it's about not beating dead horses. I KNOW I have a deficit, duh, that's why I went to a mental health center and said "hey y'all, I think I have ADHD".

It's just that I'm already living with a lack of something. I'm already behind some kind of neurobiological 8-ball. I'm already running to catch up with whatever the heck it was that y'all were just talking about while I was tinkering with my plan to dominate the world by picking blueberries for an hour in the middle of the work day. All of this would be sufficient to alert me to my dopamine deficiency without reminding me that I have a DISORDER.

DISORDER-DISORDER-DISORDER.

A deficiency is, in itself, by definition, something to be addressed. ADHD may not be a gift, but I'll be damned if I'm going to run around spitting in the face of everything I've done in life, by repeating "DISORDER-DISORDER-DISORDER" to myself. It's pointless self-abuse.

I have an attention deficit. And if you really read "the literature" you realize that even that part of the label really is fucked anyway. ADHD is NOT an issue of not being able to pay attention, it's an issue of not being able to regulate attention. Which often looks like overfocusing, actually...if you want to get technical.

So THERE, the whole label is screwed.

Attention Regulation Disorder would be more accurate even if it does use the D-word.

And I can own that...I DO have difficulty regulating my attentiveness. But does it mean that I'm disordered, or simply eccentric from the norm. I own my difference, and I own that it presents challenges. But there are some really boring damn people out there with "normal" brains and personally, I think that's a way bigger problem.

I'm going to start referring to those people as "Humor Perception Disordered".

Oh-oh...sorry...I mean "Humor Perception Deficient".

So I married Sonny Rollins...

...and it really was the most beautiful, joyous, fun-filled day of our lives :)

The Big Day...

...Sonny Rollins and I are getting married this weekend. Oh YES we are. We are forming an ADHD SUPERUNION!

My ADHD secret for making your wedding NOT insane? Get as much done ahead of time as you can...and as the day gets closer, just nix stuff that's stressing you out. It's not worth it to wig yourself with the little stuff at the end. And as Sonny keeps saying, no matter what happens that day, we still end up married, and that's the important part.

We're excited, our families are excited, the kids are excited. It's possible that the dogs and cats are excited but they're just not letting on.

Sonny and I are both getting our hair did the day before...oh, there's a story...

Okay, so about two weeks ago, suddenly a bunch of stuff that we'd put in place ages ago started to fall apart. The bartender was a total douche and quit, for literally no reason. THEN, the band figured out that they'd overbooked themselves because two band members didn't talk to one another about booking. Then my dress turned green. I'm not joking. Because the bartender quit, we now had to figure out our own liquor order at the last minute. Let's see, what else...a series of unfortunate financial events, that was grand. We went to get a marriage license and city hall told us we needed a CERTIFIED copy of his divorce decree...so we went to the Court and it was closed...and after we finally got said certified copy, we went back to get the license and their printer at City Hall wasn't working! There were several other small disasters, but you get the idea. THEN, the big one: Sonny's sweet grandfather died. Again, not joking. Been healthy for 85 years and sadly, he fell ill and never recovered.

Which brings us to last night...when I realize that the wedding hair appointment that I'd set 6-8 weeks ago was at the same time as his grandfather's funeral. I didn't realize it sooner because I can't find my iPhone and hence my calendar is out of sight, out of mind. Cue the laugh track (not) as I call Sonny to say "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't think I can go to the funeral because I have to have my hair done". D'oh. My hair person books WAY out. WAY out.

We were not in a happy space last night. This was the last kick in the ass that we were able to tolerate. I really wanted to go to the funeral, and Sonny certainly wanted me to come. And I did not want his family, who is just meeting me, to think of me as "the girl that didn't bother to show up for grandpa's funeral because she had to have her hair done". To clarify, this is not a wedding updo issue, this is an "I have inch-long black roots in my nearly white blonde hair and haven't had a haircut in 8-weeks" issue. I know, vanity...but when you're having 250 guests, press, and a photographer you are paying to memorialize it all, suddenly hair seems like something you want to look halfway decent. I'm no bridezilla, Sonny can confirm...but dammit, this was a bad combo of events.

I contacted my hairdresser and weirdly, she had openings for BOTH of us to go, the day before the wedding. We went to the funeral and truly, it was a nice day, a lovely funeral, and a terrific way to get to know his family, since we all convened afterward. I'm SO glad I went.

The great part about all of these disasters is that each time one has popped up, something better has popped up to replace it.

If I had less respect for the wheel of chance, I would re-name this blog "The Charmed Life of 18Channels".

So Friday night, we get to spend together, relaxing, doing nothing more than chatting and getting hair-cuts.

Letting a General Practitioner prescribe psych meds...

...is like letting an 4-year old-drive an 18-wheeler. Unfortunately many psychiatrists and psych NP's aren't much better, but at least when letting a 14 year-old drive they can at least reach the pedals. There's often still an element of experimentation but they can operate the basic machinery.

I cannot be strong enough in my opposition to GP's prescribing psych meds. GP's are not specialists. As such, they are more likely to rely on "guidelines" from the FDA to prescribe psych meds.

The FDA often says it's just dandy to give a 100 lb woman the same dosages of medications as a 200 lb man. Which in my experience is about as subtle as a stroke.

Additionally, GP's are not generally sitting around reading the latest psychiatry journals, and unfortunately for women with ADHD, whose participation as subjects in research studies is only very recent, that's very bad. We have not been studied, and are treated according to guidelines based on male subjects. Anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that at the very least, female hormones make the experience of ADHD far different at times for men than for women, and that taking that into account may make treatment more effective. However, if even baseline prescribing is clumsy, such subtleties are unlikely to be taken into account.

So not only is allowing GP's to prescribe psych meds just plain crazy, it's also just plain sexist. And by sexist, indeed, I mean institutionally-sanctioned policy that favors one gender over another, passively or otherwise.

Yeah...I went there. And I'm not sorry, because frankly I'm sick and tired of watching people (of both genders) around me get fucked by inelegant prescribers, and watch useful medications get a bad reputation over it.

Medications, prescribed by a psychiatric professional who conscientiously tries to stay current on the subtleties of modern practice, and takes my opinion and knowledge into account, has been an adventure for sure (because of my own biological quirks) but has given me invaluable perspective on what drugs can and can't do, and the ability to make decisions about when and where to use them, to improve the quality of my life.

I will never allow a GP to prescribe psych meds to me without first referring me to a psych provider. Never.